Tag Archives: husband

I did 20 Years…and so did he

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A rather persistent, mutual friend insisted that I meet “this guy” that would be just perfect for me.  I brushed her off a couple times as I’d recently come out of a hurtful relationship and besides I preferred things to happen naturally.  Nonetheless, I humored her and agreed that she could give “this guy” my phone number.

He called and in a matter of a few conversations, we fell in love.  We had many subsequent, lengthy phone calls in the evenings after work.  Each of us couldn’t wait for the next time we could speak!  I agreed to attend a Christian concert with him and some other mutual friends.  After the concert, we all went out to eat.  I was starving.  Literally, I could hear the acids in my stomach raging but I was too nervous to eat.  I opted just to have a Coke and upon “this guy’s” insistence, a few of his fries.  I was so hungry, yet I wouldn’t eat.  Ah, young love.  Well, we talked all night and our love story was sealed that June evening.

We were engaged on Christmas Day and married the following June, 20 years ago.

What is the secret of staying married until death do you part?

I like the quote I’ve seen around, “We were born in a time when divorce was not an option.”

or this one:

“I was born in a time when if something was broken, you fixed it.”

There’s something to those sayings.  It’s called removing the option of giving up, of throwing in the proverbial towel, and pushing up your sleeves and working on it.  A little elbow grease.  Effort.

Marriage is hard work.

There are no two ways around it.  But did you ever have a relationship that wasn’t?  We are all enshrined in this flesh called humanity, and as such, we have tendencies of failure.  We also have huge capacities to love.

And in my Bible it says that love conquers all.

Love hopes.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not boast.  Love places the other before self.

That’s what love looks like.

Yes, love is hugs, kisses and all the physical trappings that accompany the marriage relationship and make it one of the most beautiful unions.

Sometimes life requires more than mere hugs and kisses.

Sometimes it demands forgiveness, forbearance, time, selflessness.

The demands of family, work, finances can be absolutely draining.  And sometimes one can feel like you have nothing left to give.  There are certainly seasons like that, especially when the kids are young.

We are happily at the stage now where our kids are nearly grown.  The two younger ones at home are 16 and 18.  Our oldest left home quite a few years ago and is 27.  So, the physical demands on us are fewer than they were years ago.  But during the years of great demand, that’s when dating your spouse really is important.  Carving out “couple time” is crucial to staying on the same page emotionally.

Twenty years now.  This June it will be 21 years!  God sure has been faithful to us.  We’ve weathered some fierce storms, times when throwing in the towel sure had its appeal.  If we succumbed to giving up, we would have forfeited the most precious love we share today.

When we were newlyweds, our euphoric love seemed incredible – like Fourth of July fireworks!  We thought it couldn’t get any better than this!  We were so young and naive.  Weathering the storms of life together creates an undeniable bond and deeper love than one could have imagined.

Am I thankful for the storms?  Well, maybe I am.  Strange as that sounds.  Without them, I would not have seen the sweet expression of love and care when my husband has brought me soup when I’ve been ill.  Without the challenges, we wouldn’t realize how desperately we needed one another.  Without the adversities, we would not know the grace and mercy of God as displayed through the other.

You know, friends, when we love our spouses, we are honoring God.  And when God is honored, there are blessings!

One of the most meaningful things my husband and I do together is pray.  When our hearts are overwhelmed, we invoke God’s presence and power into our lives.  When our hearts are full of thankfulness and joy, we express that, too, in prayer.  God is such a vital part of our relationship and He has always been.  I encourage you to pray with your spouse if possible.  God truly honors the unity of prayer.

Not only that, but I believe there is power in prayer.  Sometimes the most spiritual prayer is – “Help!”   God is close to the brokenhearted, my friend.

My husband and I are testaments of God’s grace and His power at work in our hearts.  The beauty of being married for a while is that before long, you know the other’s heart.  My husband knows what I will and will not do and vice versa.  Our hearts trust the other.

So, love begets trust.  And like a garden.  If left untilled, weeds will grow.  Don’t neglect your most precious relationship.

The grass is not greener on the other side.  There are weeds over there.  Till your own garden and your marriage will flourish.

What you invest in, you will reap the harvest.  Invest well.

 

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My Recent ER Visit

I had my Land’s End red, flannel pajamas on and had settled in for a long winter’s night. My blue eyes had been asleep for about an hour and woke up as my husband was brushing his teeth, preparing to go to bed himself.

A gnawing pain in my abdomen grabbed my attention, along with the fact that I was now shivering uncontrollably.  And it wasn’t because I was cold.  It seemed my body was really going through something.  I wrestled within myself as to whether or not I should go to the emergency room.  I really didn’t want to go.  However, my then 17 year old daughter just had an appendectomy last year and I was worried it may be my appendix!

My husband discarded his green and blue plaid, flannel pajamas for jeans and we proceeded to the hospital at 12:30 a.m.  I had to literally hold my jaw closed on the ride there just so my teeth wouldn’t keep chattering.  I had never had anything like this to happen before.  I’m the healthy one.  I generally don’t get sick.  Mom has to stay strong for the rest of the bunch, right?

Fortunately, once I completed the necessary registration paperwork, the nurse called me back to triage.  It was pretty miraculous that the waiting room was completely empty!  From there, once she took my vitals, she got me situated in a room in the ER.  She had me change into the hospital gown, which, by the way, is entirely frustrating to wrestle with!  Upon shifting in the bed, this gown literally could choke you.  I pondered a better design…maybe an elastic neckline?  After all, the patient is already encumbered by a plastic tube in their arm, otherwise known as an i.v.

The cheery nurse brought me morphine for the pain and a medication for the nausea. Interestingly enough, despite the morphine, I could still feel the pain.

My poor husband was restlessly attempting to nap on two, hard chairs beside my bed in the midst of all the circus.  I don’t know if he ever got more than two winks.  He was up all night and still went to work!  I felt so bad for him and prayed for strength.

It took a couple hours before the doctor came in and then more waiting for my blood work to come back.  Depending on the results, she would order an MRI if it was my gallbladder or a CT Scan if it was my appendix.  I was also feeling nauseated, so I think everyone concluded it was likely my appendix.  I even was preparing myself mentally for the possibility of having emergency surgery.

Around 4 a.m. the male tech wheeled me down to radiology to have a CT Scan.  The nice tech noted that we shared the same birthday.  He injected a dye in my i.v. for the scan and I forgot the odd sensation one receives along with that.  Glad when it was over.

Well, we finally got the news from the doctor that it was, in fact, not my appendix.  Everything looked fine.  For a split second, I felt a little silly there, laying on the hospital gurney, having abdominal pain for nothing.  Until the doctor explained…

There were some “incidental” things noted on the CT Scan.  For one, apparently I possess a “fatty liver”.  I thought there must be some mistake.  I don’t drink, never have.  It’s called “Non-alcoholic fatty liver” and from what I’ve subsequently read, 1 in 4 Americans have it.  They likely just don’t know.  It’s when more than 5-10% of your liver is fatty.  The heartening news is that it is completely reversible through proper diet, lots of vegetables.  But it can take over three years to rehabilitate.  Untreated, it can lead to sclerosis of the liver, which can lead to liver failure.  Well, that’s good news in the wee hours of the morning, isn’t it?

I thought I was having appendicitis… But, wait, there’s more …

I also have Diverticulosis, small holes in my colon.  If those holes become infected, then it becomes Diverticulitis.  Both, not good.  But, with a proper diet, can be treated.  Well, looks like a more stringent diet is on my horizon…  But, wait, there’s still more for this 45 year old body…

Gee, apparently, I’m not as healthy as I thought!  Ironically, despite the fact that I am overweight, I eat very healthy.  Probably the most healthy I ever have.  My now 18 year old daughter preaches, lives and breathes healthy living to all of us.  How can I not?  No, the truth is, because I lost my Mom to breast cancer when I was 23, I have been on a quest for optimum health ever since.  But, I digress…

So, the third bit of good news this ER doctor shared was that I have a sizable fibroid tumor.  Upon further research online, this explains so many other symptoms I’ve been experiencing, but I had no idea.

So, I have three doctor’s appointments scheduled for next week: the G.I. Dr., my primary care physician and the GYN.  I’m looking forward to having many questions answered.

My husband and two children have been wonderful, taking care of me as I try to rest in bed.  Even my daughter, who has POTS, has made hot tea for me and brought me snacks when she’s up to it.  Today is not a good day for her, so hubby and my son are filling in.

Now that I’ve given hubby instructions on how to operate the dishwasher, he loads and our son unloads.  Last night, the kids collaborated on dinner.  Part of the time I heard fussing and the other part was mutual laughter.  It’s always interesting how things come together when mom is out of commission.  I call them kids but they are 16 and 18.  I’m thankful they both know their way around the kitchen very well and are very kind and thoughtful.

I’m so thankful for my family, for good health care, for our home and for the hope that I have in God.  The hope that He is with me every step of the way, even if that includes upcoming surgery.  He is a God who walks beside me and that gives me great comfort.  I also know that He is working ALL things together for my good and His glory!  I will not fear the future, but will rest in knowing that God is already there, for He transcends all time and space.  Nothing catches Him by surprise.  And all my days are planned by Him.

 

 

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Our House Selling Saga

Hello there, friends!  As previously mentioned, my husband got the job we prayed for and we’re now two months into the process of selling our home!  Praise the Lord for the job and answered prayer!!  Hubby began his new job six weeks ago and being separated by 1,000 miles has been strenuous to say the least!  He visited three weeks ago and I flew to visit him (and retrieve our other car) two weeks ago.  Our beloved 12 year old SUV decided now was a good time to die!  *Sigh*  Fortunately, hubby didn’t need the car he drove to our new town as he has another vehicle.

We’ve had a lot of showings over the last two months, although some slow spots in between.  The real estate market tends to be slow this time of year, but we are resting in God’s hands.  We’re very happy that we have TWO showings scheduled for this evening!!  If you would, please pray that someone will fall madly in love with our home and make a solid offer!  What would be truly awesome is, if there was a bidding war!!  🙂

We’ve lowered our price twice now and are offering a $2,000 buyer’s agent incentive.  I think that incentive is largely the reason for the sudden interest.  Whatever the case may be, we are grateful!  The kids and I are ready to begin our new life 1,000 miles away and be reunited with my husband!  We’ve been married for 19 years and this is certainly the longest period we’ve ever been apart.  It is a strain on all of us.  I know the kids really miss their dad too.  The first month, I cried just about every night as it was completely foreign to be alone in our king size bed.  Although we are very thankful for Skype and cell phones, there is no replacement for the huge void that spans such a distance.  Now, I don’t cry, but I am ready to move onto our next chapter and settle in.

Preparing the house for showings is much like a dog chasing its tail!  We do the same actions — again and again!  And, then wake up the next day… and do them yet again!  It would be simple if we did not live here.  The house would simply always be ready for the next showing!  But, somewhere amongst the madness of selling our home, my children are plugging along in 9th and 12 grades!!  They’ve been absolutely wonderful throughout this process!  My daughter, who’s a senior this year, makes sure we are all duly fed.  She’s the chef, most days!  And my son has had a fast course in operating our John Deere riding lawnmower and has done an outstanding job maintaining the yard!  He mows, trims and blows the unending leaves off the driveway and sidewalk!  The John Deere is my husband’s baby, so it’s been interesting to see him hand over the reins to our son.  (only because he had to! haha)  I have to say, our son blows it off each time he mows and even wipes it with a cloth.  He says it’s like his first car!  🙂  Precious.  My husband has told him a number of times, “Now, son, you’re the man of the house while I’m gone.  Take care of mom and your sister.  Make sure the doors are locked and the alarm set.”  🙂  My 15 year old (now suddenly very mature) son has taken his marching orders very seriously and has been wonderful!  He’s been taller than me for a while, which isn’t hard to do, considering my 5’4″ stature.  But, he’s pushing 6′ very soon, I can tell!  He has really grown over the last six months and is about 5’11” probably now.  Considering he started out at 9lbs. 10oz. and 22 1/2 inches long, it’s not surprising at all!  🙂  Our 26 year old son stands at 6’2″ and I’m afraid it may injure his ego to know his little brother may surpass him in height before it’s all over.  🙂

… Pardon me, I just received a text from my husband, wishing me a great day, complete with heart symbols.  (only because when he types “I love you”, his phone prompts the emoticons! haha)  I have to laugh because my husband is a very hard worker, very diligent.  He really doesn’t have time for trivial things.  He’s not on social media and up until six weeks ago, he didn’t have a Smartphone for personal use.  So, he’s had a crash course and I helped him set up his address book, etc. on his new toy.  But, it’s been nice to text back and forth as we’ve never done that much in the past.  🙂  Feels like we’ve reverted back to our courting days with all the phone calls and wishing we could be together!

I can honestly say, our faith has grown as the Lord has truly been stretching us!  My perspective has changed on our relationship.  When you can step back for a minute … or six weeks … you see what’s really important in life, in your relationship, and what things you need to let go of, as well as things you want to change moving forward!  Perspective is a beautiful thing!  And, so the Lord has been teaching me that He is not confined to statistics nor seasons, but can perform miracles any time He so chooses!  Statistically, this is a dreadful time of year to be selling a house and the weather is turning colder now.  But, He’s been reminding me to take Him out of the box that I’ve put Him in, remove the limitations my little faith has placed on Him, and just believe that He is able to provide for us and show Himself strong and mighty on our behalf!  For He truly is working all things together for our good and ultimately for His glory!  That’s where I rest my faith!

If you would, would you agree with me in prayer that our house will sell very soon?  During this separation, I am made keenly aware of just how precious my husband is to me.  Perfect?  No.  Precious and priceless?  Yes!  He gets on my nerves.  Yes.  I’m sure I do too.  But, far above any trivial irritations in our relationship, he remains my best friend, my lover and one of the greatest gifts God ever saw fit to bless me with!  He is diligent, tenacious, loving, caring, generous, thoughtful, loves Jesus and serving others … and invaluable to me!  On our wedding day, we were so in love and one would tend to believe that it doesn’t get any better than that!  However, the longer we’re married and the more we’ve grown and experienced life together, I can honestly say our love becomes deeper and richer for it!  God knew what He was doing when He ordained marriage to be a lifelong committment.  Somehow I think our richest and most meaningful days are yet ahead…

Sorry to make this post so long.  If you’ve held on to the end and your eyes haven’t glazed over, thank you.  And thank you for your prayers, most of all.  There’s a testimony after the test, folks!  God is good and He is ever faithful that promised!

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My Husband, My Best Friend

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Okay, can I just brag for a moment?  This June, we will celebrate nineteen years of marriage!  Whew!  Time flies.  It really does.  Has it all been wedded bliss?  Not hardly.  Our journey has been replete with ups and downs, joys and sorrows, victories and valleys…just like most.  

Our secret?  God has been at the center of our relationship from the very beginning, and, how we’ve relied on Him to see us through!  We would have failed miserably if we rested on our own strength, but thank God for His mercy.  His never ending grace has not forsaken us.

I am so thankful for my husband.  He is wise, kind, generous, loving, compassionate, intelligent, hard working and creative.  Whenever I have a problem, he tries to fix it.  When I’m sick, he prays for me and nurses me back to health.  When I’m discouraged, he speaks uplifting words.  When I try to take on the world, he urges restraint.  😉

He brings me flowers, sometimes for no reason at all.

Is he perfect? No, but he’s perfect for me!  God brought him from half way around the world just for me, and I am ever grateful for that!

When we’re apart, I’m looking forward to our reunion.  When we’re together, I am at peace.  He completes me and we complement one another.  He is my best friend.  I know I can confide in him.  He holds my deepest trust and I am secure in his love.

We’ve been through many difficult and challenging seasons together and our love is richer for it.  Young love is a many splendored thing, for sure.  However, mature love, love that has endured decades, has a depth that is gratifying and fulfilling like no other.

He loves to sing and we often enjoy singing together.  In the quiet times, his melodious voice soothes my soul.

My husband strives to do things that he knows will bring me happiness.  He really tries to please me…and I him.  That’s what love does.

Just to “keep it real” … When we’ve argued, he forgives me and I forgive him.  We don’t keep score.

Love doesn’t attempt to change what it cannot.  It accepts and keeps rolling on. I think that’s one of the greatest keys to a happy marriage.

He captured my heart twenty years ago and holds it still.

…Thanks for indulging me to brag on my husband for a minute.

What do you love most about your spouse?

“My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.

My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!” – I John 4:7-12 MSG

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